Phuket

Thailand

May 2007

THAILAND - PHUKET (PATONG)

This was probably our 28th flight and it wasn’t the best. A fifty-seater propeller plane that wobbled and juddered every time it flew through a cloud. Then as it came in to land on the Island of Phuket, the weather was diabolical. Thick low fog and heavy rain. Seated just behind the wing, we could see the landing gear come down and that we weren’t far above the tree tops. Just as we thought we were due to touch down at the last minute the plane pulled up steeply and the landing gear flew back in to its hole. Yikes!

Obviously these small planes aren’t landed automatically (aka fly by wire) so the weather had hindered the pilots view. We climbed and climbed and circled the island for over 45 minutes until he gave it another go. Fingers crossed and promising I’d be a good boy forever if we got down safely, I breathed deeply. Down went the landing gear and thankfully this time it stayed down as we skidded along the runway. Beautiful! Now I can go and go and mug a few people… didn’t really mean all that about being good! He hee!

Wow! What a difference from what we had become used to these past few months. Until now we’d been one of very few English tourists in each town or city we’d visited. But here in Phuket, you can’t walk one hundred paces without having to dodge some white guy, wearing his fake Diesel T-shirt.

It was very hot, very noisy and the first night we took a stroll in to town and felt rather agitated by it all. Hawkers selling food from stalls, touts trying to hand you vouchers for bars and salesmen constantly asking if you want fake DVDs, a new suit or a ride in a Tuk Tuk (taxi). Erm, No Thanks!
We walked along the main street will all the bars and as night fell it came alive. Every other building was either an English pub, Irish pub or Aussie bar or massage parlour. Kids walking around with monkeys or huge lizards on their shoulders trying to sell photos and fast paced music blaring from numerous speakers.

Then we soon realised just how many fat old English men were waddling along with a gorgeous young Thai girl on their arm. Lots and lots and I just wanted to go up to them and say… ‘can’t pull a decent girl back home so you come here and buy it…. Aren’t you a little sad man…’ But hey… they were gorgeous so soon that anger turned to mild envy! LOL! Panic not Sarah!

Then we found the podium in the street where the lady boys come to dance and show off their shaved legs, false chest and lack of Adams apple. Blimey, If I wasn’t told that these were actually guys I would never had of guessed. Even when they whipped half their clobber off it was still impossible to tell. They were beautiful! Now, now don’t get excited and start believing they are girls…. BOYS BOYS BOYS just you remember that! But you can’t. I know what my eyes see! And my brain tells me that’s a girl… Enough to give you a headache so I’ll stop there.

By day two, we loved it here! We’d gotten used to the hustle and bustle and luckily our hotel was a ten minute walk up to the end of the lovely sandy beach so we could escape the noise. This region was now entering its rainy season. We got some very hot days, but quite often just after lunch you’d see the clouds forming over the sea, the waves get rougher and you knew it was time to leave the sun bed and head for cover in the bar. You’ve never seen rain until you’ve seen this! That night we dined outdoors and watched two great bands. Later that evening Sarah was up on stage singing Bon Jovi and treating everyone to her groovy dance moves.

As our last few weeks had mostly been cities we decided to just stay here for two weeks and relax. It was great not to be on the move and we lazed around except for a couple of tours.

We visited James Bond Island, from The Man with the Golden Gun. A little disappointing as its very small and our little boat wobbled and got tossed around on the sea as heavy winds and rain pummelled us. On the way back we stopped at a floating Island, where there are literally hundreds of houses and a mosque all floating on a huge network of wooden piers. We sat and watched the young kids catching fish using just a line and hook. Amazing at how easy they made it look and took only five minutes to fill a big back with a frantic slippery mass.

We went to the largest show in Thailand called Fanta Sea. Starting with a huge buffet in a room the size of Heathrow. Then over thirty elephants and hundreds of circus performers entertained us for two hours. It was good but after seeing Cirque De Soliei in Vegas it didn’t really compare.

One thing we really wanted to check out was some Thai Boxing. We got tickets on our penultimate night and it was really exciting. We had front row seats and enjoyed ten bouts of rough and tumble. They started with the youngest, who were a mere 11 years old. I felt sorry for them as they said their prayers ringside before the initial bell. Round One! Here we go! Now in Thai boxing you are allowed to punch, kick and used your knees, so a popular move is to wait for your opponent to rest against you and then raise your knee in to his lovely fragile ribs! Crack!

Only kidding, we didn’t see much blood and no broken bones, but as the fighters got older the punches got better. A quick glance up in to the stands and you could see where all the illegal betting was going on, and this was confirmed by the ferocity of their cheers and taunts. A very entertaining night was had by all. Afterwards, we gave in and took our first ride in a Tuk Tuk, which is a small open backed van with benches each side and disco lights! Good fun!

We liked Phuket! Crazy like nowhere on earth, where anything goes……